[And she will undoubtedly choose it again soon when she can no longer convince herself it's for his sake and not her own.]
I... I don't know if I can. [Which is saying something. She's usually so open about things. Even hard things. Hell, especially hard things. She can be casual about horrors, but this has shaken her. It's not just out of wanting to protect Kurt's privacy.] Maybe later?
[It can always be for his sake. He's willing to take that bullet.]
Okay. [He gives her a squeeze to emphasize that it really is okay and not just something he's saying. Some things are easier when they're shared; others need to be dealt with alone, at least initially.] ...I do think that everything getting better is inevitable from here.
Unless the Atroma are just escalating things. I never would have imagined the slavers' raid on us and then it happened and now this. Sorry. You were trying to make things sound hopeful. Maybe I should let you or maybe I should be doing that. Whose turn is it?
I've heard it's valued in some cultures. But you're on. Heat death it is. [She reaches out and picks up one of the pretty rocks she found upon awakening, still unaware of where they came from.] Any idea if these were from the planet?
What is? Hopefulness, entropy, or heath death? [He knows which one.]
They were, yes. The Lyukians call them Eynewa's Eyes, and they are meant to promote strength and--ironically, all things considered--hope. But only when they are in pairs.
Did you get these for me? [Sure, he could just know about them in that detail. Maybe they were a huge thing on the planet. But also...gift giving is pretty likely to be him.]
[He's pleased with himself for making her smile. That's the ultimate goal, that.]
Mmhm. [A little embarrassed. It's not an odd thing to do, but maybe it seems like he's trying to woo her or something? Which he is not!] I have other sets. It seemed important, especially once we were told what was going to happen to the planet, to have pieces of it.
Those, just because. The book [a thoroughly and colorfully illustrated overview of Lyukian physics because of course a planet of artisans illustrated physics texts] was for your birthday.
[That kiss is a pleasant surprise. It's not something that Chekov is inclined to think much of since he grew up with a lot of cheek kissing and none of it implied romance, but it seems more intimate than Kitty's usual gestures. Maybe that's a good sign. Maybe she isn't so afraid that he'll interpret affection the wrong way.]
It's a daily struggle. [Since it's one of those things that he's genuinely grateful to hear, he adds:] You're welcome, Kitty.
[She's still a little afraid, but less. She doesn't want him to read more into it than is there, but she does miss the closeness they once shared and she wants to get back there as long as he's comfortable with it.]
You've always been good to me. Even sleeping me. I guess you'd be sarcastic at me if I tried to apologize again for not being here for you during everything?
[He misses that too. Of course he wishes he could go back to a place where Kitty might have fallen in love with him eventually--might have wanted to stay with him, even--but that's gone beyond retrieval and it'd be nice to get back to where they were when things were easy. Before he was stupid enough to complicate everything by wanting more.]
I wouldn't need to be. [This can be a sincere moment. He's feeling pretty sincere right now.] You're here now.
[He didn't do anything wrong. It's just awkward wanting different things.] No plans of going anywhere. Well, outside of the usual. [Trying to get to Winn. But she doubts that's suddenly going to work.]
Yes, I imagine you will want to leave this room eventually. You have spent a very long time in here.
[Pavel would never ever even consider thinking about how Kitty wouldn't be here at all if getting to Winn was an option. Such things never so much as cross his mind and he wants exactly what Kitty wants and he's entirely okay!]
It helps a bit that I don't actually remember any of that time. It's really hard to wrap my head around just being out for two months. I guess that's my line in the sand. Space reality show was fine. Underwater prison, sure. Coma? Madness!
Spending as much time in these places as we have normalizes all of the bizarre things, I think, and then the only unbelievable things left are the relatively unremarkable ones.
Not to say that two months in a coma is unremarkable. I was impressed by your dedication to being unconscious. [You can tell he was worried because of all of the aggressive joking.]
[That gets a smile as she leans in and gives him a squeeze to go with it.] Thank you. I was hoping to go for a medal or trophy of some kind, but I guess I didn't make it.
I can find a trophy for you on the next planet. It will be engraved with the words Fleet's most impressive sleeper, and you'll be allowed to keep it until someone outdoes you.
The same way that you have held me to my promise that I would bring you as much chocolate as I can carry? [Which he still intends to make good on as soon as he can find adequate amounts of chocolate that he can afford.]
Hm. Natasha explained to me what a hot toddie is. [Said with some forced lightness. It was a fairly sober couple of months even before the planet thing with Kitty and then Kirk out of commission.] I bought a number of books. The science in Navigating By Pulsar-Light is elementary, but the prose is very beautiful.
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I... I don't know if I can. [Which is saying something. She's usually so open about things. Even hard things. Hell, especially hard things. She can be casual about horrors, but this has shaken her. It's not just out of wanting to protect Kurt's privacy.] Maybe later?
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Okay. [He gives her a squeeze to emphasize that it really is okay and not just something he's saying. Some things are easier when they're shared; others need to be dealt with alone, at least initially.] ...I do think that everything getting better is inevitable from here.
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They were, yes. The Lyukians call them Eynewa's Eyes, and they are meant to promote strength and--ironically, all things considered--hope. But only when they are in pairs.
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Did you get these for me? [Sure, he could just know about them in that detail. Maybe they were a huge thing on the planet. But also...gift giving is pretty likely to be him.]
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Mmhm. [A little embarrassed. It's not an odd thing to do, but maybe it seems like he's trying to woo her or something? Which he is not!] I have other sets. It seemed important, especially once we were told what was going to happen to the planet, to have pieces of it.
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It's a daily struggle. [Since it's one of those things that he's genuinely grateful to hear, he adds:] You're welcome, Kitty.
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[She's still a little afraid, but less. She doesn't want him to read more into it than is there, but she does miss the closeness they once shared and she wants to get back there as long as he's comfortable with it.]
You've always been good to me. Even sleeping me. I guess you'd be sarcastic at me if I tried to apologize again for not being here for you during everything?
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I wouldn't need to be. [This can be a sincere moment. He's feeling pretty sincere right now.] You're here now.
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[Pavel would never ever even consider thinking about how Kitty wouldn't be here at all if getting to Winn was an option. Such things never so much as cross his mind and he wants exactly what Kitty wants and he's entirely okay!]
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Not to say that two months in a coma is unremarkable. I was impressed by your dedication to being unconscious. [You can tell he was worried because of all of the aggressive joking.]
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So, was everything doom and gloom or did I manage to miss anything fun?
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Hm. Natasha explained to me what a hot toddie is. [Said with some forced lightness. It was a fairly sober couple of months even before the planet thing with Kitty and then Kirk out of commission.] I bought a number of books. The science in Navigating By Pulsar-Light is elementary, but the prose is very beautiful.
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I see the Russians found each other. Have you met up with Victor yet?
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Victor? [Wictor, rather.] No, I wasn't aware that there was another Russian in the fleet.
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I could be wrong, but the name sounded Russian. I haven't met him either, but he's my crewmate, Yuri's, boyfriend.
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